


Briefly Thyself Remember

by Xochiquetzl



Series: Briefly Thyself Remember [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-05
Updated: 2005-07-05
Packaged: 2017-10-05 05:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xochiquetzl/pseuds/Xochiquetzl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus spots Severus in Knockturn Alley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Briefly Thyself Remember

**Author's Note:**

> For Regan V., who had a wishlist. Thanks to Ellid for the beta!

_Thou old unhappy traitor,  
Briefly thyself remember._  
\- William Shakespeare,  
King Lear

Severus knew he was being followed. He could feel it, but there was something familiar, something that left him unafraid. He rounded the corner into Knockturn Alley, went upstairs behind a shop that sold rare and sometimes questionable potion ingredients, and waited, wand in hand inside his pocket. The shopkeeper let him use this room, no questions asked, not that he used it for anything of importance.

Well, whomever it was, they weren't coming up; at least, not right away. Severus stretched out on the bed, such as it was--a mattress on the floor. He waited, and waited.

Darkness fell, and the door opened. Severus pulled out his wand as a man walked over, and even in the darkness he knew, from the gait, from the posture. Remus. With his wand drawn. "Expelliarmus!"

Remus' wand went flying over his shoulder. Remus made no attempt to retrieve it. "Are you going to kill me, too, Severus?"

Severus laughed, bitter. "Do you want me to?"

Remus made a soft noise, an intake of breath, almost like a sob.

"You weren't followed, were you?"

"No, Severus. You can kill me if you like, and no one will know."

"Is that why you came here?"

"I don't know why I came," Remus said.

Severus wished he could see Remus better, in the dark. God, Remus.

There was a pause, and then Remus said, "I'm seeing someone."

"Ah," Severus said. "Here to punish me, then."

"I thought I wanted to kill you."

Severus smiled, and wished there was more light so he could see Remus' face. "Did you? What do you want, now?"

"I loved you, you know."

That hurt, although Severus tried to keep his breathing even in hopes that Remus wouldn't notice. "I know."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"And if you told me, you'd have to kill me?"

There was something in Remus' tone that suggested a joke to Severus, but he didn't understand it. "Quite possibly."

There was a silence, while they looked at each other.

Remus. The slope of his shoulder in the dark, a silhouette of hair. His fingers could almost remember the way Remus felt. "I wanted to tell you before it happened, but you were gone, on assignment. I would have written, but who could trust writing in these times?"

"You would have told me your plans? Really? Knowing I'd tell Dumbledore? I don't believe you."

Severus started to laugh. Not that it was funny.

"Stop that!" Remus said.

"Do you really want to know?" Severus said. "If you agree to let me Obliviate you after, I'll tell you."

"As if I would believe you."

"Then I'll show you," Severus said. He locked the door and warded the room with an almost lazy flick of his wand, then led Remus over to a Pensieve. "But first you have to agree to let me Obliviate you."

"Why wait for my permission? Why not just do it?" There was a little light coming in the window. Remus' eyes were hollow, hurt, and he looked thinner and paler.

"I want your consent," Severus said.

Remus sighed. "Fine, do whatever you want with me."

Severus restrained himself from commenting, but there was a flicker in Remus' eyes that showed that his expression must have changed.

Severus removed memories and placed the shiny, silver threads in the Pensieve. "Shall we?"

* * *

_Narcissa Malfoy and Severus, on their knees, hands clasped while Bellatrix stood over them. "Will you, Severus, watch over my son, Draco, as he attempts to fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes?"_

_"I will."_

_"And will you, to the best of your ability, protect him from harm?"_

_"I will."_

_"And should it prove necessary... if it seems Draco will fail..." Narcissa's voice had dropped to a whisper. Severus' hand trembled, but he didn't pull away. "Will you carry out the deed that the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?"_

_There was a pause, and then Severus said, "I will."_

Remus looked down at the scene on the floor, and said, "Why?"

The scene shifted around them, and instead, there was Severus and Dumbledore.

_"You'll need this, later," Dumbledore said, handing Severus a bag of what appeared to be money. "For after." _

_"You take too much for granted," Severus said. "Maybe I don't want to do this any more."_

_"What do you mean?" Dumbledore said. _

_"Precisely what it sounds like," Severus said. _

_"Severus, Severus. We discussed this. You agreed, and took the Defense position." _

_"I won't do it." _

_"You agreed to do it and you will."_

_There was stony silence, while Severus crossed his arms and glared. _

_"I hate you!" Severus said, his voice dropped to a whisper._

_"That will make this easier, then, won't it?"_

"Why did Albus give me the cursed Defense Against the Dark Arts post unless he knew I was leaving?"

"Why would you be leaving?"

Severus gave Remus a dark look. "Just go, you dolt."

"What? Severus!" Remus looked down at his hand, which had grabbed Severus' arm.

And then Severus kissed him.

Remus couldn't think, didn't want to think, didn't want anything but to forget. No, no, he didn't want to forget. He grabbed Severus with both hands and pulled him closer.

"He was dying, poisoned, no antidote," Severus said between kisses. "He wanted me to do it."

And then Remus believed, utterly, even though he suspected he was mad to believe. "Severus..."

And then they were outside the Pensieve, and Severus was pushing him back towards the mattress on the floor.

They looked at each other for a moment, and then they were kissing and pulling each other's clothes off, desperate, and rolling on the bed.

"How could you doubt me?" Severus said.

Remus remembered Sirius, and Peter, but all he said was, "I'm sorry." He kissed Severus again, pulling him closer, kissing his neck and forehead and lips. "Severus..."

He was about to be unfaithful to a good woman, but he couldn't bring himself to point that out to Severus. Severus seemed to need this even worse than he did. And he'd have to feel guilty in advance, because he wouldn't remember it.

Naked at last, and their clothes scattered around the room in complete chaos, and Remus grabbed Severus' legs and pulled them over his shoulders.

"Remus..."

"Let me," Remus said.

Severus' body language was tense, but he nodded. Remus murmured a lubrication charm and pushed inside. He worried that he was going too fast, but Severus said, "Just do it, damn you." So he did, raw and fierce and fevered, Severus clawing his back, God, so good, and over far too soon.

Remus pulled out and lay next to Severus. "I'm sorry," Remus said. "I'm sure I was terrible."

"Dolt," Severus said, but his words were softened with a kiss. He picked up his wand, and walked over to the Pensieve to put his memories back, then came to remove Remus'. "I'll save them for you," Severus said, dropping the silvery strands into the Pensieve. "After the war, you can have them back."

"What if you die?"

Severus considered. "I'll put them in Gringott's, then, and leave them to you in my will." He sat back down on the bed, and kissed Remus again. "Obliviate."

* * *

"Remus?"

Remus opened his eyes. Tonks was looking down at him. He blinked. "I saw Snape, but he must have got away."

"I don't think so," she said. "Someone scratched your back."

Remus scratched his head. "My back?"

"You don't remember having sex?"

"What?" Remus sat up and looked around. He was in bed, naked, so he reached around, and did seem to have welts on his back.

"It must have been Imperio," she said. "Sodding bastard."

"I don't think so," Remus said. "Severus prefers to top."

Tonks blinked, and Remus winced.

"It seems more likely that he would tamper with my memories," Remus said, trying to sound normal, although he suspected he was babbling. Severus had only let him top once or twice, and had been clearly uncomfortable; he'd felt vulnerable, perhaps.

"Perhaps," she said. "But why let you go?"

Remus couldn't think of a single reason.

"Don't go after him again," Tonks said. "He might kill you next time."

"All right."

"If I ever see him again, he's a dead man." Tonks hugged him, and then pulled back and looked at him for a moment. "So, you and Snape were...?"

Remus nodded. "Of course, I'd been away, on assignment." He sighed. "I wish I knew if something happened while I was gone, or if he was You-Know-Who's all along."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tonks said. "You shouldn't have to cope with that all alone, you know." She kissed him, and her hand slid down his arm to pull him closer.

"I think I should take a shower before we..." Remus made a face.

"We needn't, if you feel..."

"Violated?"

"He's a dead man," Tonks said. "Probably left those scratches just so we'd know something happened."

Remus certainly wouldn't put that level of spite past Severus. He shuddered. "I don't know what to feel, besides bloody disturbed. And in need of a shower."

"I'm going to rip off his balls and shove them down his throat before I kill him."

Remus crossed his legs involuntarily.

"Sorry," she said.

"Shower," he said. "I suspect I'll feel much better after."

He turned on his way out the door to see her pulling the sheets off the bed with a snarl.


End file.
